Female Athletes

Everybody knows the patriarchy sucks. That’s just fact. If you don’t agree with that sentiment, please go find yourself another blog. I am not your person.

Still here? Then you can probably agree that the patriarchy has put forth lots of unrealistic messages about what women should look like, what they need to do to look like that, and how they should act once they look like that. Top that shit off with a healthy dose of not being uppity while doing it. “Uppity is the worst,” said Patriarchy spokesman Randy “Dick” Duschmann.

Here’s where it gets complicated: sometimes, women want to lose weight. After putting on some pounds due to whatever reason (babies, job, stress, feelings, pandemic, menopause….), you lament your tight clothes and changing body. Here comes the voice of Betty Friedan streaming into your head: “The patriarchy just wants you to look hot! Don’t fall for it! Diet culture is crap!” Betty Friedan is not wrong, especially about that last one. And so, in honor of the progressive woman you know yourself to be, you say, “I know I don’t want to diet, and I don’t want to be objectified, so I guess feeling icky about myself is part of being progressive.” The patriarchy has won again. Not because you didn’t lose the weight or because you can’t wear those two (or more) skirts anymore, but because you still feel crummy. What else does the patriarchy want, other than for you to feel less than your most fabulous self?

So, does wanting to lose weight make you a shill for the patriarchy? Not necessarily. The question to ask yourself is why you want to lose weight. Be honest with yourself by saying, “I want to be thinner so that ___________.” What’s in that blank? Is it because some external factor has informed your idea of what you should be? Or is it something you want for yourself? Consider these options:

So I will start being seen (judged) in a favorable way (or stop being judged as “bad”)
So that I will get something I want from someone else (promotion, compliments, date, love, etc.)
So that I look like an ideal I have seen somewhere/so that I will fit in

I guarantee nearly 100% of all women have had some or all of those reasons rattling around in their heads. You are not alone!

Consider these reasons, which are less familiar but also feel important:

So that I can have more energy to get things done
So that I feel more comfortable in my body
So that I have the strength to take care of myself
So that I have the confidence to do / wear / be all the things I dream of

With the first set of reasons, the onus lies on someone or something outside of you to notice and validate the results. With the second set, you get to notice and validate the results. You also get to tweak the strategy to get there based on how it all works for you. Which one feels more empowering? The latter, right? You also get to notice your own energy, your own comfort, your own strength, and your own confidence as soon as you decide to. No waiting on anyone else!

Remember Patriarchy spokesperson Randy “Dick” Duschmann? I asked him which strategy he supported, and he launched into an explanation about how women are naturally weak and shouldn’t try to feel strong because it will just backfire. Ick.

So what’s the answer? Is wanting to lose weight the same as being a shill for the patriarchy? No. Wanting and owning the desire to feel strong, confident, independent, and powerful are exactly the opposite of what the patriarchy wants for you. But here’s the secret: you don’t have to lose weight to feel any of those things. You can start right now by doing the things that you already know make you feel fabulous, that allow you to unleash your most inner you-ness, whether that’s singing “Dance The Night Away” at the top of your lungs in the car, wearing FU socks under your boots to a boring meeting, or even ordering the toppings you want on the pizza (you’ve picked off olives for long enough, haven’t you?).

Don’t know how or where to start? Book a consultation with me now!

Photo of one part of Mark Manders’ “Room With Broken Sentence” installation at the 2013 Venice Biennale, photo by Frances Zopp

Unless you have been asleep or willfully ignorant the last few years (decades?), you are probably aware that women in the workplace often face an uneven playing field, are rewarded with less for the same or more work, and are often mistreated by male supervisors. Athletics is no different which, like a lot of workplaces, started as a man’s world where women entered under the expectation that they effectively would be treated the same as men. You want to be equal? Then you get equal treatment. But in the same way that a unisex t-shirt looks and feels awful on some people, one size does not fit all. Two elite runners have recently written (and read for the listeners) memoirs of their time running as kids, college athletes, and then as professionals with sponsorships, coaches, and paychecks coming in “just” for getting out there and competing. Both books present a compelling argument for recognizing that women are both equal and different, and that acknowledging just that would benefit the industry as a whole.

The Longest Race, by Kara Goucher, is a deep dive into her running career, and especially her time running for Nike’s elite Oregon Project under now-disgraced coach Alberto Salazar. Goucher’s story brings out not only how challenging it was for her to run for an abusive, manipulative coach, as she depicts Salazar, but also how Nike, profit-driven to the end, treated her more like a commodity than a human being. We see her evolve from a shy midwestern girl-next-door to a woman willing to risk her career by blowing the whistle on Nike, Salazar, and what she knew was going on behind the scenes.

Lauren Fleshman came up a few years behind Goucher on the running scene. She, too, ran for Nike, though not for the Oregon Project or for Salazar. Her memoir, Good For A Girl, dives more into how running and athletics at large are still trying to shoehorn female athletes into strategies and techniques that are made for men and by men, and so do not take into account how things like hormones and diet affect women differently. The result? Female athletes get hurt or don’t see improvements and thus get branded as weak. Again, as much as it sounds like a book for runners, it really depicts the sports world as a microcosm of the larger world, where women are systemically expected to respond to the same culture and training as men, but then biases are confirmed when they get hurt or don’t perform up to expectations. Fleshman argues that women are both different and equal and that acknowledging such a thing is even possible is the first step to improvement, for female athletes, for sports, and for the multi-billion dollar sports industry.

What I find interesting beyond the main storyline in either book, however, is that both runners talk about how women, including they themselves, are often silent supporters of the very causes that work against them, believing the stereotypes until or even after they find themselves on the wrong side of them. In the context of diet culture and disordered eating, toxic leaders, body image, clothing, and more, they acknowledge where they have been the problem and how they have learned to do better.

They also talk about the importance of a social support system, and how when it is absent or withheld (as it was in Goucher’s case), they and other female athletes don’t perform as well.

Most women I know can relate to the need for a support system. And sadly, most women can recall a time or place when they could have been more supportive of another woman, where they could have been a better friend or colleague in the face of a messed up situation. Due to lack of knowledge or fear of repercussions, however, they stood silently by. So it is refreshing to hear two elite athletes who rose to the top of their sport acknowledge not only that this problem exists, but also that any of us can take a moment to self-reflect and find an opportunity to be a part of the support system. It is not too late to recognize the areas in which we intellectually understand the concept of “equal and different” but also struggle to support each other wholly. Whether it’s thinking thoughts about women who don’t fit a certain body type or believing a narrative of another woman’s weakness when you don’t know the whole story or some other moment where your entrenched thoughts override what your enlightened brain knows to be true, we can all stop ourselves and say, “Wait… I can do better.”

Changes are underfoot in exercise science (women are actually included in studies now!) and coaches are increasingly becoming aware of how being female and being athletic work together. But it’s going to take more than just the changes from others for this important work to take hold. We all have a responsibility to support each other, acknowledge when something is not right, and help each other get through the tough times. Because we are different, we need each other. That’s what makes us stronger.