Everybody knows the patriarchy sucks. That’s just fact. If you don’t agree with that sentiment, please go find yourself another blog. I am not your person.
Still here? Then you can probably agree that the patriarchy has put forth lots of unrealistic messages about what women should look like, what they need to do to look like that, and how they should act once they look like that. Top that shit off with a healthy dose of not being uppity while doing it. “Uppity is the worst,” said Patriarchy spokesman Randy “Dick” Duschmann.
Here’s where it gets complicated: sometimes, women want to lose weight. After putting on some pounds due to whatever reason (babies, job, stress, feelings, pandemic, menopause….), you lament your tight clothes and changing body. Here comes the voice of Betty Friedan streaming into your head: “The patriarchy just wants you to look hot! Don’t fall for it! Diet culture is crap!” Betty Friedan is not wrong, especially about that last one. And so, in honor of the progressive woman you know yourself to be, you say, “I know I don’t want to diet, and I don’t want to be objectified, so I guess feeling icky about myself is part of being progressive.” The patriarchy has won again. Not because you didn’t lose the weight or because you can’t wear those two (or more) skirts anymore, but because you still feel crummy. What else does the patriarchy want, other than for you to feel less than your most fabulous self?
So, does wanting to lose weight make you a shill for the patriarchy? Not necessarily. The question to ask yourself is why you want to lose weight. Be honest with yourself by saying, “I want to be thinner so that ___________.” What’s in that blank? Is it because some external factor has informed your idea of what you should be? Or is it something you want for yourself? Consider these options:
- So I will start being seen (judged) in a favorable way (or stop being judged as “bad”)
- So that I will get something I want from someone else (promotion, compliments, date, love, etc.)
- So that I look like an ideal I have seen somewhere/so that I will fit in
I guarantee nearly 100% of all women have had some or all of those reasons rattling around in their heads. You are not alone!
Consider these reasons, which are less familiar but also feel important:
- So that I can have more energy to get things done
- So that I feel more comfortable in my body
- So that I have the strength to take care of myself
- So that I have the confidence to do / wear / be all the things I dream of
With the first set of reasons, the onus lies on someone or something outside of you to notice and validate the results. With the second set, you get to notice and validate the results. You also get to tweak the strategy to get there based on how it all works for you. Which one feels more empowering? The latter, right? You also get to notice your own energy, your own comfort, your own strength, and your own confidence as soon as you decide to. No waiting on anyone else!
Remember Patriarchy spokesperson Randy “Dick” Duschmann? I asked him which strategy he supported, and he launched into an explanation about how women are naturally weak and shouldn’t try to feel strong because it will just backfire. Ick.
So what’s the answer? Is wanting to lose weight the same as being a shill for the patriarchy? No. Wanting and owning the desire to feel strong, confident, independent, and powerful are exactly the opposite of what the patriarchy wants for you. But here’s the secret: you don’t have to lose weight to feel any of those things. You can start right now by doing the things that you already know make you feel fabulous, that allow you to unleash your most inner you-ness, whether that’s singing “Dance The Night Away” at the top of your lungs in the car, wearing FU socks under your boots to a boring meeting, or even ordering the toppings you want on the pizza (you’ve picked off olives for long enough, haven’t you?).
Don’t know how or where to start? Book a consultation with me now!
Photo of one part of Mark Manders’ “Room With Broken Sentence” installation at the 2013 Venice Biennale, photo by Frances Zopp